Divorce

Divorce

            Every pairs in this world wish to have a long lasting marriage, but when things are not working, divorce become their choice. Divorce is the legal breakup of a marriage. Divorce can be initiated by either the husband or the wife. In Islam, divorce is the worst way to finish a marriage that Allah hates. In Indonesia, there are many case of divorce. You can see from the news in television or newspaper. Some couples, especially public figure, choose divorce as the last way of their marriage. Divorce actually has been governed by the 1974 Marriage Act and its implementation rules. No couple goes into divorce if their marriage is getting well. It can be sure that there are some reason causes a failure of a marriage.

             Communication is one of the causes. In a relationship, communication is the most important aspect that should be kept. The marriage can be supposed as a team of football or baseball. If you are a player in that team, it is essential that players on the same team communicate with one another in order to run their plays. Then, the way to win the match is communicate properly and to do so whenever it is necessary. So, if there are some problems in marriage, it is better for the husband or wife to communicate with their spouse. By communication, every couple can solve their problem together. Sometimes, the little thing can bother the relationship. Snoring, for example, can bother the partner. It seems hard to believe that, but it may be true, at least in part. In this case, communication has the essential role to solve the problem, until the smallest thing.

            Money also can cause a marriage failure. The love for money is supposedly the cause of all evil and it is definitely the cause of arguments, fights, and court actions. One spouse spends money without telling their partner. One spouse loses their job. Or nowadays, you may often see “the phenomenon” that a wife has bigger salary than her husband. Those problems about money possibly can bother the relationship. Although this problem should be solved by themselves, but sometimes the pairs cannot understand their partner’s condition. The differences of each other make an uncomfortable feeling. Finally, the pairs consider separating each other by divorce. The problems about money also cause an argument which is ended with cruelty or severe ill treatment. If this condition has done, there will be a disappointment from one party. The disappointment finally leading them to choose separates each other.

            It seems hard for every couple to consider about divorce. That is why divorce causes some effect in couple’s life.  Psychological effect will attack for both of them, women and men. There are some possibilities of psychological feeling. Spouses may feel relief because the end of their marriage. One party may feel bounded by their partner, so they want to let it go. But, it is possible for spouse to feel traumatic, chaotic, and filled with contradictory emotions. There are also specific feelings, attitudes, and dynamics associated with whether one is in the role of the initiator or the receiver of the decision to breakup. The healing process of each party need more time. The emotional breaking up process typically extends over several years. It depends on themselves.

            The effects of divorce also attack the children. It is said that the children is a “victim’ of their parent’s separation. Actually, children’s psychological reactions to their parent’s divorce vary in degree dependent on three factors: (1) the quality of their relationship with each of their parents before the separation, (2) the intensity and duration of parental conflict, and (3) the parent’s ability to focus on their children after divorce. The children who don’t understand their parent’s decision have hard time to accept it. This condition may affect their attitude in the daily life. They may become frustrated and depressed. They may get into trouble in school, fight more with peers. They may get problem of academic. It depends how the parent’s support in giving more attention to their children. The role of parents is very important to heal children’s feeling after divorce.

            Finally, divorce becomes a choice in marriage whether it is good or not. When all the way has done and there is no agreement anymore between the pairs, it is possible for them to separate each other. Many factors influence a marriage failure. Dominantly, the factors come from themselves. The effects of separation also come from themselves. Actually, divorce can be avoided but in this case, we should respect a divorce as a choice for couples.